by admin 11 October
Category: News

On the high heels of her “Paris for President” video, Ms. Hilton fleshes out her policies. First stop: painting the White House pink.

Hollywood and Washington have much in common: Supersize egos. Juicy scandals. Out-of-control spending. So why not vote for a commander in chief who has tackled all three? Paris Hilton. Following her infamous rebuttal to John McCain’s attack ad–which compared Barack Obama to Hilton and Britney Spears–the team behind the Funny or Die video outlines what the blonde would offer America in her first term as president. Herewith, the Hilton doctrine.

SEE LOOKBOOK: PARIS HILTON

Harper’s Bazaar: How would you describe your presidential style?

Paris Hilton: I pledge to support the American workforce by wearing only American designers: Calvin Klein between Memorial Day and Labor Day, Donna Karan the rest of the year. Unless I wake up and the day is screaming for me to put on a bikini for my fellow Americans. Country first.

HB: Who will be your vice president?

PH: Rihanna, of course. She’s hot.

HB:How do you intend to redecorate the White House?

PH: In these trying economic times, I believe the White House should have a minimalist touch: open floor plan, glass and steel, throw pillows, and an infinity pool.

HB: What are your entertaining plans?

PH: The inaugural balls will be replaced with an inaugural Rock Band party. For expert-level players only. Don’t even think about getting on drums. I play drums.

HB: Please summarize your presidential platform.

PH: I will carry out a foreign-policy platform that will transform America’s role in the world to that of a proactive, not reactive, superpower that will use diplomacy and incentives to head off trouble in unstable regions before they unravel out of control. I will also be wearing platform shoes when I meet with foreign dignitaries to accentuate my well-toned calves.

HB: Who will you appoint to your cabinet posts?

PH: I won’t have a cabinet; I will have a closet. A giant walk-in closet with all styles of advisers, like Michael Kors, Kanye West, Diane von Furstenberg, Naughty by Nature, Stephen Hawking, Madonna, Karl Lagerfeld, and, of course, Tinkerbell.

HB: Who will you invite to stay overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom?

PH: I want to put an end to only large financial contributors, lobbyists, inside-the-Beltway fat cats, and corporate bigwigs getting to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom. I will keep that room open only for people for whom it is too late to drive after attending one of my secret-underground-bunker-after-hours parties.

HB: Do you have any fashion advice for Sarah Palin?

PH: My advice to Sarah Palin is, you’ve got a hot bod; don’t keep it to yourself. Why wear a pantsuit when you can wear a swimsuit? Welcome to the Lower 48, girlfriend.